Chapter Sixteen

Back in the warmth of our room, Lucy and I got ready. Isaac had left a note on the door saying he got my message and that he hoped to see me at the party.

Once we were ready, the pre-party party began with a vengeance. Caty from down the hall, Lauren and Dora, two of Lucy's sorority sisters, and Sarah, the RA we were fortunate enough to have, were all gathered around the makeshift table in front of our futon. We were playing a vicious game of I Never. We'd all known each other since the beginning of freshman year so we had plenty of dirt on each other.

"Never have I ever kissed a frat guy," Caty yelled over the music and we all groaned.

"Too easy!" Lucy said. "Everyone drink!"

I laughed and changed the song. I was on my second rum and coke and was already being reminded that I hadn't eaten much at dinner. I didn't care, though, and it felt good not to care. I was having fun and for the first time in over a week wasn't being plagued by paranoid notions.
"Your turn," Lucy poked me. "Make it good."

"Ok," I giggled. "You asked for it. Never have I ever done the walk of shame from a professor's house."

Everyone gasped and looked at Lucy. Her face immediately turned red and she playfully smacked my arm.

"Nooooo," Sarah cooed. "A professor?"

"No!" Lucy exclaimed. "He wasn't a professor, he was a TA, so that DOES NOT count."

"ACTUALLY," I said. "He was a TA at the time, but I believe he's an assistant professor this year, so it DOES count."

Lucy covered her eyes with one hand and took a sip.

"Fine," she said. "It's my turn. Never have I ever been to a shrink."

No one drank, but I took a big gulp. Everyone looked at me, eyes wide.

"Do you have to drink for every time you've been to one?" I asked. "Because, in that case, I have to make another drink."

"You've been to a shrink?" Lucy asked, but not as if she really believed me.

"Oh yeah," I said. "Tons of times."

"What for?" asked Caty.

"Well, I'm not really supposed to talk about it."

"Why not?" Lauren asked, leaning forward.

"It was a long time ago," I said.

"Come on," Lucy said, rolling her eyes. "Spill it."

"Well," I began. "I wasn't always an only child."

That got their attention.

"When I was five my older brother drowned," I continued. "I watched the whole thing happen."
So that was what stunned silence sounded like.

"Are you being serious?" Lucy asked. "Why haven't you ever told me about this?"

"Honestly? We don't really talk about it. Ever."

"There are no pictures of a brother in your house," Lucy said.

"Yeah, after he died my parents pretty much cleared out everything that might have reminded them of him."

"That's horrible," Dora sighed. "No wonder you had to go to a psychiatrist."

I nodded and took a sip of my drink.

"It was a long time ago," I said. I left out the part about how I didn't even go see Dr. Mason until I was 7. That was when I told my parents that Philip, that was my brother, sometimes came to visit me at night. That hadn't gone over well. I spent most of first grade in Dr. Mason's office, drawing pictures and telling him why I'd drawn what I did. Philip kept visiting me, but I soon learned that that wasn't normal so I told Dr. Mason that Philip had gone away. Eventually, he did.

The CD had ended and the room was completely silent. Dora coughed hesitantly. I jumped up to change the CD. The music started blasting again, but people still looked uncomfortable.

"Come on, girls," I shouted. "Let's play Kings!"

After a slight pause, Lucy grabbed a deck of cards.

"Ok, bitch," she said to me. "You're going down for that professor comment."

The other girls cracked up and I smiled. She'd saved me again.